I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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