What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Blood and glitter go together right?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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