Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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