you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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