Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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