Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize