dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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