Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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