I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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