she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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