i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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