Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize