I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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