He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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