I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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