last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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