I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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