HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we made out on top of his cat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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