Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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