He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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