At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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