my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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