This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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