if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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