im drinking this country out of the recession.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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