I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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