I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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