I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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