I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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