hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were trust falling into bushes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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