how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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