if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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