you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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