im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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