I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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