"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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