I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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