Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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