Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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