ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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