DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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