Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
3 2 1 whiskey
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize