Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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