Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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