When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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