Need sex. Gaining weight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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