Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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