I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
where are my eyebrows?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize