you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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