I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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